This article by John Morton, DSS, was first published in the New Day Herald in September, 2011.
If we were fully conscious, all of us, there would be no hurt. And part of that is that we as spiritual beings have the ability to transcend it. The ability to be free of pain, free of hurt, free of negativity is who we are spiritually, and we in MSIA want to be more conscious of what that is.
Of course, you wouldnāt say anything hurtful if you were in your right mind. If you were aware of what that does, you wouldnāt do it. It is not who anybody truly is to hurt somebody; nobody is really like that. So it may be that the more accurate statement in a hurtful incident in your marriage (or any other relationship) would be, āThis is not like you. This is not like me. Something is going on here that is really not who we are.ā And we may have the awareness to know that this doesnāt feel like the loving and the sacredness and the joy of who we are, that this is some distortion, some lapse.
And perhaps our best move is to stopāto just stop it and not do itābecause we have the awareness that this is not who we are, this does not work. It never works, and if we do it now, itās like weāre now introducing hurt, a hurt that has repercussions beyond the present.
Is that what you want to do? If not, let it end here. This is the balancing action of what you had no business doing, thatās not your responsibility on this level as a co-creator with God. Youāre not here to foment hurt. So when you do, it comes back to teach you so that you can say, āThanks. I got the message. I learned my lesson. I wonāt do that again.ā
Thatās the angel at the gate speaking, the one who knows, āI donāt ever want to do that again. And I will be the consciousness that will refuse. So if another opportunity comes up to hurt, Iāll say, āNo, I know what that is. I donāt like that. Iām not here to do that. Iām not part of that. No. I refuse to participate in hurt.āā
The more likely scenario is, we do it anyway, particularly because our conditioning would allow us to be a reactive consciousness, along the lines of āI donāt like the way you looked at me.ā
What are you doing here?
āIāve conditioned myself so I like certain looks and I donāt like certain other looks, and then when those certain looks happen that I donāt like, I attack them.ā
Really? You attack them? Why?
āThey shouldnāt be.”
Who says? It is what it is.
Thereās a place in the Bible that says something like āthe evil of today is enough.ā So somebody understood that āthis isnāt working. Letās be done with the negativity we created. Letās not create more of this. Thereās no purpose in it. It doesnāt work.ā
It never works, and thereās the wisdom. And if the sentence is forty whacks and you get it on the second whack, why donāt you take the full forty? You might just say, āI got the message. Thirty-eight more whacks really arenāt going to serve any purpose other than I know I created it. But if the purpose is that I learn my lesson, I learned it.ā Thatās where mercy, grace, and pardoning come in.
Do you enjoy administering the whacks? Probably not, and if you do, thereās karma there. Itās as if you are saying that you enjoy inflicting pain. That may be to compensate for how much you hate yourself, because this hurtful thing is not a winning action, especially at the verbal level. So then you have to have the wit to just stop it.
Then the other person may say, āIf youāre not going to fight fair, then Iām going to pull out my special fight.ā
You may go, āIām not antagonizing you. I just donāt want to fight.ā
āWell, that makes me more mad. I like you when you fight. It leads to making love. Somehow it reminds me that I really love you.ā
āBut thereās a better way to remind yourself about that than hurting somebody.ā
You set the tone for yourself about what kind of marriage you want: āI donāt want a marriage where hurtful things are being said. Thatās my preference. Can we communicate about this?ā
Thereās also a great opportunity there. How could I show you my loving? I do something that, if it was up to me, purely on my terms, I wouldnāt do that. But the reason Iām doing it is because I love you. So Iām displacing what I want, my personal interest, and in my love, I give myself over to what you want, to what your interest is. And in my loving, thatās a great experience.
Your jealousy, envy, and keeping score is not a great experience. Thatās something like, āThis week Iāve done seventeen things for you. Youāve only done eight things for me.ā What kind of game is this, where you measure? As soon as you get into measuring, youāre into conditionality. And if someone says, āGive me a list of why you love me,ā it may be better to just say, āYou know, itās a decision I made. I love you. Itās not about what you do or donāt do, what you say or donāt say, or how you look. Itās a decision. I made it, and Iām standing by it.ā
You can get to the loving of who you are, and that translates as, āThis is how I love myself, this is how I love God, and youāre in it, in a great place. And thereās no place where this love is not.ā
My evidence for this is that out of God came all things. And there was never a moment where God said, āWhoops, shouldnāt have done that. I let that one go, that was a mistake, watch out for that, thatās a loose error.ā No, itās set in motion so the result is always loving. Thatās whatās first.
Knowing that about yourself, you then realize, āWell, thatās how my marriage is. Itās always loving. And sometimes, because of my conditioned nature as a human being, I forget, I trip, I lapse, I say a hurtful thing. And the correctness is that this is not like me, this is not who I am, this misrepresents my loving for you.ā
And if your partner already knows that, thereās a great love: āThereās nothing you can do or say that challenges my loving for you. Itās done, itās over, I love you. But if you do those things, I donāt participate in them because the way to love you is not to get involved in your way of expressing hurt.ā
When a person understands that, then they really appreciate that. If they are in their conditionality, they may say, āSo thatās the way you love me. You stand back when I really need you in my moment of weakness.ā Then watch out. Someone is trying to set you up for the fall, to prove your loving.
Loving proves itself. If you donāt get it, itās like standing in front of the sun and saying, āI donāt get the sun.ā But the sun is doing what it does, and somehow youāre denying it or you donāt get it. Thatās an honest statement, but it says thereās something about you thatās closed off, thatās not connected to what the sun is, because if you were connected and aware and conscious, youād get it.
And thatās your love. If youāre aware and conscious, youād get it. Thatās amazing because it never becomes dependent on anybody else. And it is a decision you can make.
Baruch Bashan.
WATCH A BLESSING OF INFINITE LOVE BY JOHN MORTON
Gracias. Sus contenidos me enseƱan realmente lo que es la vida. Bendiciones