Question: How can I Communicate without Judgment?
Answer: In Forgiveness: The Key to the Kingdom, John-Roger wrote, “Judgments are one of the most unhealthy things we can do on all of our levels. If we were to ask what the big reason is that we’re all back here, I’d say it was because of a judgment we placed somewhere, because our judgments are all held against us, and they’re held into the place where we judged” (p. 183).
If you do judge, the idea is not to beat yourself up about it. Don’t say to yourself, “I shouldn’t judge myself,” because that’s also an action of judgment. Instead, say to yourself, “I will be kind to myself. I will be good to myself. I will have peace and harmony with myself.” There’s no exception. So when judgments come up, say to yourself, “I forgive that judgment.”
John-Roger identified spiritual laws, such as acceptance, cooperation, enthusiasm, understanding and empathy. When we have empathy, it’s also a form of compassion. I find compassion relates directly to forgiveness. When we have compassion for ourselves, others and all things, we’re into forgiveness. We’re present with it in such a way that we don’t really have to think about it. Our compassion, our empathy automatically ushers us into the forgiveness.
We don’t hold judgment when we’re in empathy because we realize, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I find that humbling. It’s an understanding that if I judge you, I’m judging myself. I’m also doing something that’s unnecessary. I’m setting a restriction. I’m putting an againstness in place. And againstness is not necessary nor serving in the best way.
If you’ve ever played golf, or something like golf, then you probably had an experience like me that life on the golf course can be frustrating. So life on whatever course you happen to play in — maybe it’s your work, marriage, parents, traffic — can lead to some form of frustration or irritation. Our mistakes, our errs, our encounters with evil if you will, whatever the negativity is, is sufficient. It’s already enough such that we don’t need to add to the negativity and disturbance already created. When we judge, we add to the negativity automatically. If nothing else, we add to our own negativity. So choose to clear out the judgment. Choose to dismiss it or let it go.
Imagine that if you were willing to forgive all of the offenses, errors and mistakes, you then would have a life of freedom. You would have the keys that go with access to the kingdom which is actually releasing yourself from the limitations, conditions, and all challenges that go on in this world. In Forgiveness: The Key to the Kingdom, John-Roger wrote, “You must forgive yourself all things. You must have compassion for all people and the things they have done” (p. 193). That includes you and your judgments.
Here is a prayer for “Forgiving our Judgments”, from the PTS Webcast Class on Forgiveness:
Lord God, we ask for Your presence, Your light, to assist each one of us and all of us together in coming into the forgiveness. We are willing to acknowledge whatever judgment you bring to our mind and to our awareness. We give ourselves permission to freely and openly acknowledge whatever the judgment is, in whatever form it presents itself. We trust that You are forgiving. We bring this to Your mercy and Your grace. We place this prayer in light and love for the highest good of all concerned. And so it is.