Excerpts from Loving Each Day for Moms and Dads
by John-Roger, DSS
When children need something, they come to you to fulfill their prayers. They are depending on you to see what you can do to fulfill them. Don’t be afraid to pick them up, cuddle them, love them, rub their backs and kiss and hug them. Give them all the love you can muster, and they will return it to you in more ways than you can imagine. The early years of growing up are so important. When children are little, they must know that you’re there, that you love them, that you care, that they can trust you, and that you’re the one they can count on.
You don’t have to earn love. If you let it, it will just flow from your children.
Do what you can to support yourself within the responsibilities that come with being a parent. Sometimes just fifteen or twenty minutes of quiet time daydreaming, meditating, or meandering in your own thoughts can be as refreshing as a cool shower on a hot day.
Children learn best through love. When they love something, they look forward to it and are wide open to the information. When you prepare a loving place for children to come into, they can be open to receive the goodness you have in your heart for them.
Take the time to explain to your child what you are doing and why.
Explain to your kids that tests at school do not record their failure. Tests show areas where they can learn and grow, and point up their strengths. They are a reference point to know how they are doing, and to show them where to do more work.
Make your child’s education an active one, where they are participating and learning by doing.
Children’s games are make-believe. They’re honest. Children have the flexibility to drop their games and go on to something else. It’s a good thing for adults to do the same.
Give your children everything you have— with love. If you give just a little bit, you’ll get weary. When you give your children everything you can, and support them totally, you’ll be filled with the love of Spirit and the energy of that love as you go along.
Be honest with your children. If you lie to your child, you forfeit the greatest trust a child has.
Listen carefully to what your child is asking you, and respond to that level.
When you fight with your spouse or your children, you fight with the God within them. Sometimes you want to fight your loved one awake and say, “I see so much love in you, I just want to shake it loose!”Love them loose instead.
Children are open to learning. Show them how things work. Let them do things. Give them some information, show them how to do it, then let them do it. Have them play the information back to you immediately. That’s a test to see if they got it.
A child communicates love by information, by talking about what’s close to them, and one of the things closest to a child are the father and mother and what they do. The child will tell everyone about everything.
Kids teach each other to withstand the world. Their play teaches them how to win and lose, both inside and outside of themselves
Children need to learn to laugh at themselves and not to live their lives according to other people’s opinions. Teach them to play roles and have fun with it. Let them dress up in funny costumes and have a good laugh at themselves. Let them put on plays and act out their ideas. They will learn important skills and gain self-confidence.
Play imagination games with your children. Show them how to imagine beautiful things, and how to change scary images into funny ones. If they see a monster chasing them, teach them to change that monster into a tiny monster and see it running off a cliff while they stand safely behind a tree and watch.
Help your children to envision their own success and happiness. If they have tests coming up in school, show them how to use their imaginations to see themselves taking the tests and passing them. Remember to make sure they study, too. Make it a game. Keep their attitude positive. Keep their spirits up and bright and active.
Let your children know that their work is their love in action. There are a lot of ways to demonstrate love. They can’t always be hugging and kissing everyone to show their love. Show them that things like doing their homework and helping around the house are also demonstrations of their love.
Love your children equally when they are good and when they are bad—so that they know the love is always there.
If your kids are doing something that is irritating you, get in there and do it with them to some ridiculous extreme. Although you may have to go a long way, you’ll help them complete what they were doing—for good. I did this one day with a young girl who was driving her mother up the wall playing with her food. I sat down with this little girl, and together we explored all the things you can do with your food. I showed her how to hold water in her mouth and let a little drool out one side of her mouth and then the other, how to suck the water back in through her teeth, and how to blow into her water glass. When I told her to take the water in her mouth and just let it drool all over her chin, neck, dress, and everything, she just quietly said, “No.”That was the end of it. It was pretty sloppy, but it was over in a half-hour instead of weeks of frustration for her Mom. This technique can be effective in certain areas.
When a child is born into a family, the adults must make substantial adjustments. Love and support each other as lovers, and appreciate your roles as mother and father. Loving and supporting your child is easy then, and adds to your life as you all nurture one another.
Let your child know that it is okay to make mistakes, from missing a question on a test to spilling their milk. When you make it all right to do well and to make mistakes, your child will probably not lie to you.
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Ask J-R
published in Movement Newspaper September 1981 Vol 6 Iss 9
Q: What-can I do to get my three year old daughter to be more interested in spiritual things? My friends’ children meditate. My child isn’t interested at all.
A: Don’t worry about getting her interested in spiritual things. Don’t be concerned that she doesn’t want to meditate. She is Spirit, pure and simple. She doesn’t need to learn about it. She doesn’t need to meditate. She doesn’t need to talk about it. She is that. It’s the adults that think Spirit is something separate and so they talk about it and create special things (like meditation) to do, to bring Spirit in and become more aware of it. She doesn’t need any of that right now.
Loving her is the best thing you can do for her. Let her grow up knowing that you love her and care for her. Encourage her to do lots of things physically. Help her to learn about all aspects of her world and how to expand into new areas. Give her lots of experiences. And don’t compare her with others. She’s unique, special. Let her tell you what she needs (she’ll tell you in lots of ways), because she knows. Don’t be concerned. She’s absolutely fine!
Q: My parents give me more things of a material nature and assist me more financially than they do my brother and this causes my brother a lot of distress. Should I not accept my parents’ assistance in order to keep peace in the family?
A: What you do with that, of course, is up to you. You might try turning down their assistance and see if that makes things any better. It might and it might not. Perhaps the distress your brother feels is from a different source, but he’s identified it as that.
Keep in mind, too, that the relationship between different siblings and their parents can be really different. The karma that you have with your parents could include somehow their giving to you in a financial/material way, whereas your brother’s karma with them might not include that. Things like that can tend to appear unfair, but in the greater reality they may be absolutely perfect.
If you and your parents feel balanced with the exchange, there might not be reason to make any changes. If you or they don’t, then you might want to take another look at the whole action and make some new decisions. Honest communication between all of you would be highly recommended.
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For more from John-Roger on parenting:
