{"id":109649,"date":"2020-02-07T15:45:54","date_gmt":"2020-02-07T23:45:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/?p=109649"},"modified":"2020-02-07T16:56:51","modified_gmt":"2020-02-08T00:56:51","slug":"when-my-husband-was-diagnosed-with-cancer-everything-changed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/archives\/109649-when-my-husband-was-diagnosed-with-cancer-everything-changed","title":{"rendered":"When My Husband Was Diagnosed With Cancer, Everything Changed"},"content":{"rendered":" \u00a0 \n

Elaine Lipworth's husband Stephen receiving a Minister of the Year Award in July of 2019<\/em><\/p>\n

My priorities have transformed completely.<\/strong><\/p>\n

On March 12th 2018, my husband, Stephen, was diagnosed with a brainstem tumor. I remember keeling over when the E.R. doctor told us, after looking at the M.R.I., that he had a mass on his brain. It seemed like our happy life was over. And since then, it\u2019s true that life has changed irrevocably for our family. Following a whirlwind of operations, treatment, rehab, and therapies, we are still navigating our way along the challenging road to recovery. The tumor, thankfully, has shrunk \u2014 it\u2019s now very small \u2014\u00a0but the \u201ccollateral damage\u201d is considerable. Stephen\u2019s intellect is unimpaired, but he is in a wheelchair, with slurred speech, swallowing difficulties and a numb left arm.<\/p>\n

All my priorities have changed. What\u2019s important now boils down to an\u00a0appreciation\u00a0for the blessings in my life, from moment to moment. Stephen, a strong, healthy property manager who loved taking care of everybody (including me, our daughters, and everyone we know), now needs complete care himself. It would have been easy to spiral down into the depths of despair. And there are still times when I feel utterly hopeless, grieving for the life we had. For the most part, however, as I\u00a0take care\u00a0of Stephen, I am vigilant about\u00a0staying present and have avoided drowning in nostalgia. Instead, I use every mindfulness\u00a0tool at my disposal (including meditation and affirmations) to make sure I have the strength I need.<\/p>\n

Here are the six priorities in my life, which are crucial for my own journey but could be just as valuable whatever you are facing.<\/p>\n

Being grateful<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have a profound sense of gratitude for my incredible family. Our 25-year-old moved back home to L.A. from New York so she could help take care of her dad. Our 21-year-old daughter, who\u2019s away at college, helps whenever she is home on breaks. I appreciate everything I used to take for granted, from our dog Puck and our lovely neighbors, to my morning cappuccino and the wisteria in our garden. The little annoyances (such as computer problems) that I would get upset about in the past have faded away. I am simply grateful that Stephen is alive. It\u2019s a miracle. I\u2019m grateful that he\u2019s making progress (albeit at a snail\u2019s pace) as he relearns how to walk, how to talk clearly, how to eat, and how to write \u2014 it is all about\u00a0Microsteps. I am bowled over by his patience and courage (he never complains) and by the depth of our relationship. I am hugely grateful to our brilliant neuro-oncologists,\u00a0Dr. Santosh Kesari,\u00a0Dr. Jose Carrillo,\u00a0and their\u00a0team at Providence\u00a0Saint John\u2019s Health Center here in Santa Monica. I am grateful for our fantastic caregivers; I have a new respect and awe for the job and what it entails. I am grateful for our family and friends back in the U.K., where I grew up, who come to visit us regularly. And I am grateful for our close-knit community, our friends who come over every weekend, have dinner with us, and make us laugh.<\/p>\n

Having a laugh<\/strong><\/p>\n

On that note,\u00a0laughter\u00a0has become a priority, I\u2019ve discovered the value of maintaining a sense of humor, even or especially when dealing with cancer. While we watch a lot of politics (too much I\u2019m sure), we also watch a lot of comedy. Our current favorites are: \u201cS.N.L.,\u201d \u201cPatriot Act with Hasan Minhaj,\u201d \u201cCatastrophe\u201d and \u201cFleabag.\u201d And despite Stephen\u2019s formidable difficulties, we often end up in hysterical laughter over nothing at all.<\/p>\n

Work<\/strong><\/p>\n

My work is one of the biggest blessings in my life. I\u2019ve been a journalist for many years, and my writing has a different resonance now. It transports me into the worlds of the people I am interviewing and the stories I am writing; I forget all about my own problems for a while. As a writer for Thrive, I have a sense of purpose beyond my family and our challenges \u2014 which is a good thing. It\u2019s inspiring, engrossing and fun, too.<\/p>\n

Self-care<\/strong><\/p>\n

At first, when we were living in the intensive care unit, then the hospital rehab, for weeks on end, I didn\u2019t care at all about myself. Naturally, everything was focused on my husband as I existed on adrenaline, unable to sleep, eat, or do anything much beyond what I needed to do to assist him and pay the bills. Now, I\u2019ve realized that in order to care for Stephen, I need to take good care of myself \u2014 body and soul. So\u00a0sleep\u00a0has become a top priority. Winding down in the evening and getting seven to eight hours gives me resilience and energy. It keeps me from sliding into a self-indulgent, \u201cpoor me\u201d frame of mind and helps me remain optimistic. I cook, shop at the local farmers market, eat well, and make sure I have some time every day for Pilates, cycling, swimming, or a walk. It sounds like a clich\u00e9, but with good sleep, nutrition, and exercise, I feel more patient, calm, and steady.<\/p>\n

Music<\/strong><\/p>\n

Music has become a big priority, whether it\u2019s Lizzo, Beethoven or Bob Dylan. Rather than starting the day with news, we listen to our favorite classical music. More often than not, it\u2019s Rachmaninoff\u2019s Piano Concerto No. 3, played beautifully by the extraordinarily talented\u00a0Anna Fedorova, who has become an early morning \u201cfriend,\u201d introducing the piece delightfully on YouTube.<\/p>\n

A higher purpose\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always had a spiritual perspective, but now it\u2019s stronger than ever. I have an inner knowing that everything is meant to be, for a higher purpose, that somehow this journey is unfolding perfectly and that things are going according to plan. It is about healing, even though at times it feels like exactly the opposite. I know that miracles are happening \u2014 my job is to keep a positive focus. On a practical level, for me that means a regular meditation practice, prayer, uplifting reading \u2014 and writing. Perhaps the most valuable spiritual lesson I\u2019ve learned is to prioritize today \u2014 now. I\u2019m acutely aware that today is all we\u2019ve got, and I am making the most of it.<\/p>\n

This article was first published on Thrive Global<\/a> , January 2020.\u00a0 We appreciate their permission to share the article with you here on the New Day Herald blog.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My priorities have transformed completely. On March 12th 2018, my husband, Stephen, was diagnosed with a brainstem tumor. I remember keeling over when the E.R. doctor told us, after looking at the M.R.I., that he had a mass on his brain. It seemed like our happy life was over. And since then, it\u2019s true that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":109670,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[266,5397],"tags":[2003,526,6660,6661,6662,3895],"class_list":["post-109649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-featured","category-ministry-in-action","tag-gratitude","tag-humor","tag-inspiring-work","tag-music-for-upliftment","tag-spiritual-perspective","tag-taking-care-of-yourself"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=109649"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109649\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/109670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=109649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=109649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.msia.org\/newdayherald\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=109649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}