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This article by John Morton, DSS, was first published in the New Day Herald in September, 2011.<\/em><\/p>\n If we were fully conscious, all of us, there would be no hurt. And part of that is that we as spiritual beings have the ability to transcend it. The ability to be free of pain, free of hurt, free of negativity is who we are spiritually, and we in MSIA want to be more conscious of what that is.<\/p>\n Of course, you wouldn\u2019t say anything hurtful if you were in your right mind. If you were aware of what that does, you wouldn\u2019t do it. It is not who anybody truly is to hurt somebody; nobody is really like that. So it may be that the more accurate statement in a hurtful incident in your marriage (or any other relationship) would be, \u201cThis is not like you. This is not like me. Something is going on here that is really not who we are.\u201d And we may have the awareness to know that this doesn\u2019t feel like the loving and the sacredness and the joy of who we are, that this is some distortion, some lapse.<\/p>\n And perhaps our best move is to stop\u2014to just stop it and not do it\u2014because we have the awareness that this is not who we are, this does not work. It never works, and if we do it now, it\u2019s like we\u2019re now introducing hurt, a hurt that has repercussions beyond the present.<\/p>\n Is that what you want to do? If not, let it end here. This is the balancing action of what you had no business doing, that\u2019s not your responsibility on this level as a co-creator with God. You\u2019re not here to foment hurt. So when you do, it comes back to teach you so that you can say, \u201cThanks. I got the message. I learned my lesson. I won\u2019t do that again.\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s the angel at the gate speaking, the one who knows, \u201cI don\u2019t ever want to do that again. And I will be the consciousness that will refuse. So if another opportunity comes up to hurt, I\u2019ll say, \u2018No, I know what that is. I don\u2019t like that. I\u2019m not here to do that. I\u2019m not part of that. No. I refuse to participate in hurt.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n The more likely scenario is, we do it anyway, particularly because our conditioning would allow us to be a reactive consciousness, along the lines of \u201cI don\u2019t like the way you looked at me.\u201d<\/p>\n What are you doing here?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve conditioned myself so I like certain looks and I don\u2019t like certain other looks, and then when those certain looks happen that I don\u2019t like, I attack them.\u201d<\/p>\n Really? You attack them? Why?<\/p>\n \u201cThey shouldn\u2019t be.”<\/p>\n Who says? It is what it is.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a place in the Bible that says something like \u201cthe evil of today is enough.\u201d So somebody understood that \u201cthis isn\u2019t working. Let\u2019s be done with the negativity we created. Let\u2019s not create more of this. There\u2019s no purpose in it. It doesn\u2019t work.\u201d<\/p>\n It never works, and there\u2019s the wisdom. And if the sentence is forty whacks and you get it on the second whack, why don\u2019t you take the full forty? You might just say, \u201cI got the message. Thirty-eight more whacks really aren\u2019t going to serve any purpose other than I know I created it. But if the purpose is that I learn my lesson, I learned it.\u201d That\u2019s where mercy, grace, and pardoning come in.<\/p>\n Do you enjoy administering the whacks? Probably not, and if you do, there\u2019s karma there. It\u2019s as if you are saying that you enjoy inflicting pain. That may be to compensate for how much you hate yourself, because this hurtful thing is not a winning action, especially at the verbal level. So then you have to have the wit to just stop it.<\/p>\n Then the other person may say, \u201cIf you\u2019re not going to fight fair, then I\u2019m going to pull out my special fight.\u201d<\/p>\n You may go, \u201cI\u2019m not antagonizing you. I just don\u2019t want to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that makes me more mad. I like you when you fight. It leads to making love. Somehow it reminds me that I really love you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut there\u2019s a better way to remind yourself about that than hurting somebody.\u201d<\/p>\n You set the tone for yourself about what kind of marriage you want: \u201cI don\u2019t want a marriage where hurtful things are being said. That\u2019s my preference. Can we communicate about this?\u201d<\/p>\n There\u2019s also a great opportunity there. How could I show you my loving? I do something that, if it was up to me, purely on my terms, I wouldn\u2019t do that. But the reason I\u2019m doing it is because I love you. So I\u2019m displacing what I want, my personal interest, and in my love, I give myself over to what you want, to what your interest is. And in my loving, that\u2019s a great experience.<\/p>\n Your jealousy, envy, and keeping score is not a great experience. That\u2019s something like, \u201cThis week I\u2019ve done seventeen things for you. You\u2019ve only done eight things for me.\u201d What kind of game is this, where you measure? As soon as you get into measuring, you\u2019re into conditionality. And if someone says, \u201cGive me a list of why you love me,\u201d it may be better to just say, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s a decision I made. I love you. It\u2019s not about what you do or don\u2019t do, what you say or don\u2019t say, or how you look. It\u2019s a decision. I made it, and I\u2019m standing by it.\u201d<\/p>\n You can get to the loving of who you are, and that translates as, \u201cThis is how I love myself, this is how I love God, and you\u2019re in it, in a great place. And there\u2019s no place where this love is not.\u201d<\/p>\n My evidence for this is that out of God came all things. And there was never a moment where God said, \u201cWhoops, shouldn\u2019t have done that. I let that one go, that was a mistake, watch out for that, that\u2019s a loose error.\u201d No, it\u2019s set in motion so the result is always loving. That\u2019s what\u2019s first.<\/p>\n Knowing that about yourself, you then realize, \u201cWell, that\u2019s how my marriage is. It\u2019s always loving. And sometimes, because of my conditioned nature as a human being, I forget, I trip, I lapse, I say a hurtful thing. And the correctness is that this is not like me, this is not who I am, this misrepresents my loving for you.\u201d<\/p>\n And if your partner already knows that, there\u2019s a great love: \u201cThere\u2019s nothing you can do or say that challenges my loving for you. It\u2019s done, it\u2019s over, I love you. But if you do those things, I don\u2019t participate in them because the way to love you is not to get involved in your way of expressing hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n When a person understands that, then they really appreciate that. If they are in their conditionality, they may say, \u201cSo that\u2019s the way you love me. You stand back when I really need you in my moment of weakness.\u201d Then watch out. Someone is trying to set you up for the fall, to prove your loving.<\/p>\n Loving proves itself. If you don\u2019t get it, it\u2019s like standing in front of the sun and saying, \u201cI don\u2019t get the sun.\u201d But the sun is doing what it does, and somehow you\u2019re denying it or you don\u2019t get it. That\u2019s an honest statement, but it says there\u2019s something about you that\u2019s closed off, that\u2019s not connected to what the sun is, because if you were connected and aware and conscious, you\u2019d get it.<\/p>\n And that\u2019s your love. If you\u2019re aware and conscious, you\u2019d get it. That\u2019s amazing because it never becomes dependent on anybody else. And it is a decision you can make.<\/p>\n Baruch Bashan.<\/p>\n WATCH A BLESSING OF INFINITE LOVE BY JOHN MORTON<\/strong>
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