Windermere Ranch, Santa Barbara, March 2014

For growing up in the Movement, at the age of 29, I finally had the experience of Windermere. I would get the calendar, hear about it at conference, maybe make a small donation to the Adopt-A-Horse program, but I had never been on the property. I always wanted to go, but getting there was a big mystery to me. Where is Windermere exactly? How does it all work? Who do I talk to? Luckily, thanks to Win Hampton, a regular at Windermere, and his wonderful ministry, I got to tag along on a weekend trip he had planned. Here are some of my reflections.

I saw a horse today and felt her presence with me as I would a child. I have always loved horses. My father would take me to the Pasadena Library and I would get my favorite book on various horse breeds. I would go through each picture in the book and trace the image, then color it in carefully. I also had a collection of carousels that I cherished more than anything. I would play the music box, listen to the tinkling sounds, tracing the different faces of the horses with my finger, imagining myself riding through the great plains of America on the back of a horse.

The infatuation of horses was such an obsession of my childhood, yet I had never been with one physically. My family lived in LA with no extra money to go to a ranch, though my father did arrange for us to visit a friend of his who owned horses. It was my first time on a horse, but I was so scared. They are large animals (especially for a child) and I was afraid it would bite or kick me, or step on me, or even worse, that it didn’t want me to ride it.

I was scared today of the same thing. I was concerned that they didn’t want me to touch them, even though that is all that I wanted to do. All I wanted was to admire them and love them as I always have. I was still surprised at their size. They are majestic creatures and it amazes me to think of how they were domesticated. They have a high level of intelligence and intuitiveness and instinctively acknowledged my presence.

Lynn could sense my shyness and cautiousness so she took me to meet Dawn. Dawn’s quality is “Kindness” and I felt that radiate from her. She was so gentle and wonderful to me. I was scared that the horses wouldn’t want me around but she let me touch her and she didn’t flinch. Any feeling of rejection or hurt I had running inside me dissipated as I combed her mane and braided it. She looked so pretty and I could tell that she liked the attention.

Then Lynn introduced me to Ali Pashka. Pashka is “Freedom of Choice”. We stood face to face like kindred souls for what seemed like an eternity. I combed his beautiful mane and as I tried to twist his mane, he shook it free. He was very clear that he didn’t want that. I laughed and knew he really is Freedom of Choice. He was very playful and liked me to be with him.

Then I got to spend time with my favorite horse and that was Future. She is the quality of “Assertiveness”, which is actually my quality I had from conference. I had found my quality! I never thought that I needed to be more assertive in my life, but spending time with Future today, I felt the strength that came from her. She had gone through a lot the past year with a surgery and was recovering. My heart went out to her and I just wanted to hug her. She let me stand next to her belly and I laid my head on her back. I felt like I had a friend I could rely on.

Future has a condition where her hair grows longer compared to the other horses so she was due for a good brushing. So I brushed her and brushed her and brushed her. I felt like I was scrubbing down a car. I spent a lot of time grooming her and I would tell her how pretty she is and how much I already loved her. I felt my heart open more and more as she let me brush her belly, her legs and the front of her chest. I knew she had surgery regarding her intestines so I was gentle brushing her belly. She didn’t moved at all and let me take my time with her. When I tried to walk away to grab a sip of water, she nudged me and I realized that she didn’t want me to go. So I just stayed with her and kept loving her. As she accepted my loving and affection that I so wanted to give, I was receiving of her strength and assertiveness. She helped me heal so much today. I just love her!

I later went back to Pashka and groomed him. He was eager to have my attention since he saw me with Future and Dawn. We had a joyful encounter. His hair is so short compared to Future, but boy is he dirty! He had so much dust everywhere! I was patting him down more than brushing him. It was like beating an old rug with dust and hair flying everywhere. But he made me smile. He let me kiss his head and it touched my heart.

But I still wanted to spend time with Future. After her surgery her mane had fallen out and had been growing back slowly. It was short but I still wanted to braid it. So I went to her while she was taking a nap. I didn’t want to disturb her so I stood by her quietly and chanted my tones. She then stepped towards me and I asked her if I could braid her mane. She didn’t resist as I came closer and so I went to grab the rubber bands and brushes and ran back. She stood still. I didn’t even have to put the halter around her to keep her near. I took it as her standing in her assertiveness in asking for love and receiving affection. She stayed with me and I kept loving her. I knew she got it. So I braided her whole mane and she looked beautiful! When I finished, I gave her a hug and kiss on her head, right between her eyes. She stood there for a few seconds, my head against hers. I felt her loving and her peace. In all my innocence, I felt accepted as the little girl inside of me who loves so deeply. This little girl had her wish come true– she finally got to be with a horse–to pet it, love it, hug it, but also feel so supported and loved in return. I could spend all day with Future.

Another amazing experience I had today at Windermere was my interaction with the turkeys. There are two turkeys who are so friendly and personable. One is very vocal and likes to talk. So I talked back and would mimic exactly in pitch what I heard her say. So we had a conversation, and as we talked they would come closer and closer.

But the other was quiet as she approached me. As she came close, she began to flap her wings and then she sat down in the middle of the road. I have such a deep love for all types of birds. So I squatted onto my knees and slowly inched myself closer to her. I didn’t know how close I could get to her and I didn’t want to scare her away. Yet, she was already willing. I would coo and talk gently to her and she let me pet her. I was in heaven. First I petted her back and admired her beautiful black and white feathers. Cautiously I began to pet her neck and chest. Finally, I began to pet her head. Her response was surprisingly glorious. She was cooing and every time I touched her, she would respond by pushing into my hand for more contact. She was so sweet and gentle, wanting to be touched–just as much as I wanted to touch her. Eventually I was right beside her and I was kissing her gently on her head. She soaked it up and cooed away. It was the sweetest thing and I fell in love with the turkeys.

It is so sweet to have an animal be so open to affection and caring. Her gentleness and receptivity reminds me of my own Divine nature and how the child in me is just as gentle and loving. Petting her and kissing her was a blessing in my day and opened my heart a little more to my own Divine loving. I love the turkeys! They stole my heart!

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