Editor’s Note: MSIA Minister Tobie Bardsley was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She was asked to speak at the Northern Arizona Alzheimer’s & Dementia Alliance. She shared her speech with us, as well as the speech of her partner Sel Wasson, in case their story is of benefit to others.
Alzheimers” Group Presentation At NAU
On Friday March 20th @ 9am – Noon
Northern Arizona Alzheimer’s & Dementia Alliance
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Good Morning everyone! My name is Tobie Bardsley!
I was Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease on 1/21/25
- My primary care Doctor ~ “Dr. Mike” recommended that I take a Blood Test to see if I had Alzheimer’s Disease. It was very simple!
- After my result came back, which was positive for Alzheimer’s disease, my reaction was “that it made sense to me”, because “I was forgetting a lot!”
- I also want to share what my Partner Sel reminded me that over a couple of months I cried periodically and “wailed hard” to get “any, and as much upset and fears out of me, so that I could go on with my life!”
“I don’t remember doing that, at all!”
Basically ~ “I let go!!! ” I use a phrase that my spiritual group called MSIA — which stands for the “Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness — uses and recommends to let go of any self-judgements.
I forgive myself for judging myself “as” ….
And then add one word!
The key part of the statement is the word “as” and to not use the word “for” – which “brings the judgement back to yourself.”
Here are are a few examples :
I forgive myself for judging myself “as” confused!
I forgive myself for judging myself “as” stupid!
I forgive myself for judging myself “as” having Alzheimer’s Disease!
- My mother had Alzheimer’s Disease. “I inherited Alzheimer’s from her. My older brother & sister did not.
- When my Doctor shared with me that I had Alzheimer’s Disease, he was very empathetic!
He seemed more upset than I was!
He prescribed Memantine twice a day, which is a known medication for Alzheimer’ s Disease.
- Years ago I was a practicing Registered Nurse, and I worked as the Charge Nurse on the Alzheimer’s Unit at the Peaks Senior Living facility in Flagstaff, so I was very familiar with what to expect and to do!
- I decided to be proactive, and I made up a list of 25 qualities that I wanted to find in a caregiver with my therapist! Then I researched different agencies here in Flagstaff and my “gut” said to choose Senior Helpers. Little did I know that I would be their first client, and my caregiver was their first caregiver!!
- And the really amazing thing is that my caregiver has every single quality that I wanted to find in the person who would be caring for me! It is my own personal miracle!!! She doesn’t shy away from course-correcting me, or to remind me what I told her what I wanted or needed to do!
- I do 4 different activities daily to challenge and to improve my brain function!
First: On my computer: I play Vita Mahjong of which I am very competitive!!” I usually play until I get the first place ranking by more than 50 points!
Secondly: I play Mobility Ware’s – Spider Solitaire -> which is only one black suit and is much easier to handle!
The 3rd thing that I do – on most days is, that I color a Mandala with a marker that has both a small tip and a large end. This can take 4 hours to complete!
The 4th thing that I do often, is beadwork! I have been working with beads for 35 years!!
I don’t mean to brag, but I’m really good at all of them!
- Another amazing thing that I do in my life is: For a bunch of years, I have checked in with and shared a “hug” with the employees at Sprouts!
I then chose to share with many people who I know there about my having Alzheimer’s Disease! Then my Miracles happened!”
- Now, the employees come up to me, and ask me, how I am doing! It is one of the biggest blessings in my life!
I would also add that I believe it is important for me to share my Alzheimer’s Diagnosis with many people in my life, so that they can know what is happening to me, and that our relationship can be open, honest and supportive! - My second Miracle is: My PCP recommended 1 herb for me to take, and my Chiropractor recommended another herb for me to take.
Both were to help improve my memory. - I did my own research online and found the most incredible Supplement that I could ever find!
It is called Cognitive Max!”
With my Alzheimer’s Disease, I used to get agitated and anxious in the afternoon and evenings. Now, I think “very clearly” all day and night!
I recommend Cognitive Max to anyone with Dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease, as well as to elderly people who are starting to forget.
I also recommend that they check in with their Doctor before taking anything new! I still take my regular prescription of Memantine, but only once a day now, in the morning!
- I hope that my sharing with you today encourages all of you, and can be shared with your friends and relatives who may have Dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease!
- And Finally!
Here are 3 questions for all of you in the Audience!
How do you think “you” would feel or respond to your Doctor who told you that you have Alzheimer’s Disease?
Secondly, do you think you would share your new diagnosis with your friends and family?
& 3rdly, “What would you do to help yourself?”
I thank you all – for listening to my story! …. and
May God bless each of you”
in the ways that “you need”!
ALZHEIMERS PRESENTATION – 20 MAR 26
Good morning. My name is Sel Wasson. Tobie and I have been together for 5 years. We had both noticed Tobie’s increasing forgetfulness, so we decided to talk to her PCP, Dr Mike, to see if he had any thoughts or suggestions. Maybe there was some kind of test that would tell us something. He told us that there was a relatively new blood test that could tell us if Tobie had Alzheimer’s. I have only known a couple of people who had Alzheimer’s, but I was definitely aware of the potential changes in behavior and personality that could happen. So the thoughts going through my mind while we were awaiting the test results were not exactly comforting.
About fourteen months ago, when Dr Mike said “Tobie, you have Alzheimer’s Disease,” I felt a sinking feeling in my body. I was stunned! I had this mish mash of thoughts. How will I deal with it? How will my life change? Am I up to dealing with this?
Then I realized I was only thinking of myself. My God! How will Tobie deal with it? How will her life change!? What can we do to make her life easier? Those were the most important questions!
They are important questions. They are real, and valid! But only time will reveal the answers. I told myself right then and there that there would be a joint effort to find those answers.
Not surprisingly, there were tears. At first, for Tobie, they were strong and wailing. Not all the time. Every couple of days, then weekly. Then less frequently. It was totally expected and appropriate, but hearing it tore me up – every time! I would hold her tightly and tell her I loved her. But much of the time it ended up with two people in tears. I’m happy to say that today the tears are a rare occurrence.
Dr Mike started Tobie on Memantine, a medicine that has shown success in slowing the progression of Alzheimer’s symptoms.
The challenges that I had thought about when I first learned of Tobie’s diagnosis are real. I need to remember that asking “Do you remember . . .” is just a reminder to Tobie that she has a memory problem. So is correcting her when something she says is not accurate. Practicing patience is something we should all do. But with Tobie, it is especially important that I am patient and don’t react when she gets frustrated and agitated, which usually happens later in the day.
As to how Tobie deals with it, I am very proud to say that right from her diagnosis, she has maintained a very positive attitude. Tobie has been completely open about her Alzheimer’s and has endeavored to be involved in many activities that will have a positive effect on her quality of life. She has already shared many of them with you.
As to how I deal with our new reality, it is a work in progress, as it is with Tobie. I still forget to avoid the comments and questions that are reminders of her diagnosis – “Do you remember, etc”. I still want her to do things that she used to do but no longer can because she gets flustered and agitated doing them. Things like going to plays at Theatrikos, going to movies and large gatherings like concerts and First Friday Art Walk, things that are loud, are now too problematic for Tobie to do. I get upset, sometimes, because she is tired a lot of the time – in part due to side effects of some of her medications, and in part because she is so active – and therefore often doesn’t feel like doing things she usually likes to do. But, we are working on it together, because we want our relationship to work. Because we love each other!
Thank you for listening to our story!
