Question: How can I improve my self-image?
Answer: When you think of yourself as having a poor self-image, you’re identifying with something less than who you are. Tune in to your heart, find out what’s in it and start paying attention to it. Your heart doesn’t betray you and doesn’t mislead you. Your heart will reveal to you who you are and what your life is about which is ultimately truth and love.
Your self-image may be based on how you lean into things or back away from them. If you have a tendency to regard what others are doing as more important than what you’re doing, then that creates an imbalance. There’s a place in any relationship that acts like a center point or balance point. As you find that balance, you also find harmony. You find ease, clarity, and fun — the things that would attract you to a relationship.
If you see yourself as lacking something and you have a need in some way that you profess to yourself, you may form that need towards a person or a situation. Then you might have a tendency to disregard what your own experience is and what you know is true for you. You may attempt to adopt or borrow what belongs or can be attributed to somebody else. You may attempt to be like them and compare or judge yourself as not good enough.
Playing the game of comparison and judgment of “right or wrong” or “I like that. I don’t like that.” tends to put you in a position where you’re disconnected from yourself. You’re not relating to yourself in a trustworthy way. You’re disregarding your own inner counsel, that one in your heart who knows you, understands what’s best for you, and loves you unconditionally.
If you look back at your life, you’re going to find at least one incident, and probably many repetitions, where you did not trust yourself. You did not hold with what you knew in your heart was best for you, and you gave over in some way to what you thought you had to do to get some kind of approval or perhaps avoid someone’s wrath or punishment. Those experiences have contributed to a state of not trusting yourself and having a poor self-image. However, that thinking is based on attempting to live with a liar, someone you cannot trust.
It doesn’t work to attempt to come into a solid, healthy relationship with someone you cannot rely upon. If you are that someone who you cannot trust, then you have an unhealthy relationship to yourself. So there’s no surprise then that the way you relate to yourself is to view yourself poorly.
The great news in all of this is that none of what you’ve done or told yourself, none of what you’ve had happen to you or the relationships in which you’ve involved yourself, has corrupted who you truly are. Who you are in the truth of your being is like a diamond that remains pure and clear. It may be something that has been buried deeply. It can take tremendous commitment and willingness to clear and change yourself to what you know is your truth. However, if you’re willing to do that, you can start right now. You can start building this sense of, “I know myself. I trust myself. I love myself.” That translates to confidence, true confidence, so you walk in a way that is solid and sure of who you are. It’s a confidence that translates well beyond the humanity that everyone shares.
Everybody does things that we may call silly or even stupid at times. It just goes with the territory of being a human being in this world. So have understanding and compassion for yourself.
You are inherently a good person, and the inherent goodness of who you are inside does not change. That knowing needs to translate out into how you express yourself, the way you live, and the references you use for your choices so that they become identified and aligned with your true self.
Adjust yourself so your heart is open and functioning in relation to the truth of your being. Have the willingness to let go completely of anything that no longer serves you. That means a process of transformation where you move from one form to an entirely different form. Who you were at another time and place is no longer so. The person you have become is different, perhaps even unrecognizable in relation to the former one. Everyone is learning and growing in ever greater ways.
Be true to your heart. Eventually, you will become who you are and that is the truth and love of your soul.
Baruch Bashan
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