Question: How can I respond to abusiveness with unconditional loving?
Answer: Abusiveness to me is an arbitrary term. It’s really a term that represents an interpretation of a form of negativity. There’s no importance in pronouncing the negativity. So we are invited to not pronounce the negativity, but to observe it instead.
Sometimes we may find ourselves choosing negatively, and perhaps we would see that we can have extreme negative choices, like to hurt or steal or to do things such as lying or cheating. We might then look at someone and say, “Well, they must not be a positive person or why would they do these things?”
It’s important to understand that, even though we may lose touch with our true, positive nature and choose into the negative, we’re still essentially positive beings. That’s our true nature. And one of the ways to look at that is that we forget. We may lose consciousness of our positive nature at times. By being more aware and awake, we can be more conscious and disciplined in choosing the positive.
It’s important to understand that energy follows what we hold in our mind as a focus, what we dwell on and look at in our thoughts. We have a creatorship that is shared with God, that God bestows upon us. We’re not yet the equal of God, but we’re of the nature of God. We are co-creators. So what we hold in our mind is very important in our co-creatorship because energy follows our thoughts.
If we want to have positive results, we must focus on the positive, which I look at as different from positive thinking. Positive focus is also positive actions. We start doing things that are positive, and we move toward more of the positive. It’s not just to have a positive thought and then go do negative things. It’s our expression becoming positive through our actions.
When we are choosing into the negative, we have chosen something less than our potential. We always have a better choice. Choosing the positive allows us to change. Our learning takes place in a change of behavior, a change of expression, and a change of focus. That’s where we can demonstrate that we are learning and applying what we know inside as the truth of our being as God’s beloved.
It’s also important to know that we are not a prisoner of the past. There’s the power of regeneration and renewal. There’s the power of restoration which can come through forgiveness, which involves forgiving ourselves for our judgments towards ourselves as well as others. I find God will create a bridge to heal the hurt that we’ve done by engaging in negativity towards ourselves or to others. That’s the power of forgiveness and healing. When we consciously know that, we choose it because it’s a way of having our sentence (like if we were given a sentence for a crime that we committed) commuted, forgiven, or pardoned in some way.
One of the great practices of a soul is to forgive, to not hold a grudge, vengeance, or vendetta and to not hurt someone else if they hurt us. This is the spiritual nature — not to hurt even if we are hurt. It takes a great discipline and great strength to not strike back when we’re hurt. Some people look at that as a form of weakness. They see that if a person who is hurt doesn’t strike back, they’re weak or they’re a coward. But I don’t look at it that way.
It takes great courage to not strike back. It takes great courage to find a way to stop the againstness, to neutralize it — to have the sins that were our father’s and our mother’s that are part of our inheritance not continue on. So if my father was a liar and my mother was a thief, that doesn’t mean that I have to be a liar or a thief. I don’t have to continue the negativity. I can choose into the positive and love it all.
When you know yourself spiritually, negativity has no bearing upon you. It strikes at you with nothingness. It hits at you with nothingness. So if you experience negative energy as hitting at you physically, emotionally or mentally, choose to observe. It’s also important to nurture yourself. So when you’re faced with negativity, minister to yourself. That ministry comes from the power of God that can heal and take the negative energy and disperses it. As you allow that letting go, you will experience the healing, the lifting of the pall that is on you, and the woe that is on you.
It takes a very strong, wise consciousness to walk through this level without reacting or judging. What kind of consciousness is that? A master––a spiritual master. And who is that? That is one who holds the consciousness of spirit and walks it and talks it and thinks it and acts it. If you’d like to have that clear state, to be in a clear state with the Spirit where you’re not reacting or judging, then call forward who you are as the master. If you don’t see yourself that way, if you see yourself as someone who muddles and fuddles and messes up and forgets and gets tempted and is weak, you’re onto your judgments.
Get a hold of God’s intention. That’s living love. That’s unconditional loving. If you master living love, you breathe in living love and you breathe out living love. And you will be constantly upholding yourself in the positive.
If you don’t feel adequate of your own power to be unconditionally loving, then you can surrender yourself to the power God’s unconditional loving. Allow yourself to be open to God’s will, God’s power, and God’s unconditional loving working through you. It isn’t based on your knowing or your ability. It’s based on your openness, your willingness and your faith in God.
John-Roger advised us to avoid creating negativity in relationships by following a simple guideline: Don’t hurt yourself and don’t hurt others. He suggested that the most effective guideline might be to do everything as an expression of unconditional loving, which he referred to as the essence of kindness, care and consideration for yourself and others. John-Roger also said that it matters little what we do in this world. What does matter is our expression of unconditional loving through the negativity, to move into our loving within conditioned relationships within a conditioned world. So do the best you can with what you have to work with, and do what it takes to experience God’s guidance and grace. Then during those times when you’re faced with negativity in relationships, you can observe and move through them with the unconditional loving that comes from God.