Passage into Spirit – Resurrection in the Christ was a rocket ride this year. It was one of the greatest opportunities I have had in this life time to really look at what holds me back from fully participating in my life, at the level of 100% – where I live as One with God. It was one of those trainings where I truly received the invitation to face my fears and to stand up in my loving so that my heart leads me where I have longed to go for centuries.
It was one of the most challenging, humbling and expansive trainings I’ve ever committed to. It was like heaven and hell right beside one another dancing the tango. It was like they were woven from the same cloth. I carefully observed how I wanted to step into what I am calling my crucifixion, so I could resurrect as an anointed consciousness.
Have you ever stood on the edge of eternity looking at a space that could be heaven or hell, depending on how you experienced it, related to it and responded to it? During this training the darkness and the light were so close together inside of me that I had the opportunity to surrender to the greater good in the most subtle and obvious ways. I kept hearing use everything for your upliftment, learning and growth. And with some reservation, I did. It was hard at first because I resisted being in my own skin and the patterns I’d observed for lifetimes. I judged the cards I held in my hand, so at first I could not play the game.
One choice was to be fully present and in acceptance of what is my truth – and to play with the part of me that was kicking up my doubts, fears and insecurities. I wanted so badly to abandon the entire ship and swim away as fast as I could.
And I knew all the negativity that surfaced inside could be a great opportunity for freedom, if I allowed it. So after a couple of days of feeling like a mummy in full dress, I decided to play the game with more of a heart focus and have fun.
There is a great seminar by John-Roger called “The Traveler is the One who Laughs in your Heart” where he talks about rising to the Spirit of the occasion no matter what the circumstance is and making it fun and hilarious. I am usually great at doing this, but during the first two days of Passage into Spirit – Resurrection in the Christ, I was not having fun. I was in some self-made dimension of hell. It hurt to be there.
At first I did not see what was so obviously funny so all the jokes went over my head. After some effort, I remembered what I’ve heard J-R say for eons: “If it is going to be funny later, it is funny now”; at that moment a giggle slipped out into my reality. Thank God for J-R’s wisdom and willingness to articulate such masterful tools and techniques.
This was the first training I can remember where I was so taken by the intensity of the energy that the stakes were high on either side. I could abandon my illusions or abandon the opportunity to liberate myself. The hiding was over. There was no safe haven in denying any part of myself. I was as naked as a new born baby and maybe as fragile. I had to look at what I was afraid of and look at it in the eyes, with loving. I did not know that the dark side held such precious keys to my expansion.
With some gumption, I embraced who I am and let myself be vulnerable and present with however the moment showed up. I found what J-R says is true: Perfect vulnerability is perfect protection. I began to free fall and found myself landing on a bed of feathers, laughing my a** off.
It was a relief to find myself in God’s company again. It was a relief to stop the struggle, like a caterpillar trying to break free of the shell that protects it. As I beat my wings against the barriers, the walls came tumbling down. I cried a river and found that as I surrender to God’s will as my own, there I was at home in a safe place where my human and my divine essence are not separate but one beautiful hum.
This year’s retreat was one of the most challenging experiences I’ve had in a while and it was also just as liberating. When I sacrificed all of the junk that was keeping me out of God’s eyesight, touch – awareness; I found that I was the one who moved. I found that God had always been there waiting patiently for me to arrive.
The warmth, loving and intimacy with God and my Spiritual family this year was exquisite. I experienced acceptance, cooperation, understanding, loving, and empathy that has opened my heart to a new level of gratitude. The heaven available on earth is a choice and I am glad I made it.
I am still unraveling and unwrapping my gifts slowly and one of them is simply loving who I am, as I am because the cards I have been given to play with are quite magical.
Thank you John, J-R and Family for this amazing gift we are calling Passage into Spirit – Resurrection in the Christ so I go free one more time.
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