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Forgiveness: A Doorway Into Grace and Loving


“A lot of the things we choose to remember keep us stuck here on earth. But if you stay in a state of forgiveness, you stay in a state of grace.” – John-Roger

This article by John-Roger was first published in the November 2008 online edition of Vision Magazine

It is not necessary to delve into everything in your life and try to figure out where it came from, why it is present, and so on. You do not have to ferret out each example of ego: doubt, lack, fear, or any other expression you see as negative. Instead, in the moment of realizing it, you can accept it, forgive yourself, and move to loving. When you do that, you flood yourself with the light and love of your own being-ness, and all is forgiven. This does take discipline, and you can do it. It is a matter of choosing—again and again—to love yourself. You do deserve to love yourself.

What if someone hurts you in some way? Forgive them. What if you forgive them and they hit you? Forgive them. What if they hit you again? Forgive them. What if they do it yet again? Don’t be stupid—get out of reach. And forgive them again.

You may want to hang onto your anger and hurt feelings because you are afraid that the same thing will happen to you again. But what you are really saying is that you think your judgment, hurt, and anger towards the situation or person will keep them from hurting you again. I have found that people are going to do what they do, and your anger or hurt is probably not going to make them behave any better towards you. The problem with judgment, anger, and hurt is that you are the one stuck with them. One of the greatest reasons for forgiveness is to clean up your own inner environment and make it nice inside where you live.

If you feel as though you cannot really forgive something or someone, place it into the light and ask God or Spirit to help you let go. You will know when you have truly forgiven when you also forget what it was you were judging in the first place. You are onto other things, and that situation or person is no longer taking up energy inside of you.

A lot of the things we choose to remember keep us stuck here on earth. But if you stay in a state of forgiveness, you stay in a state of grace. This is the forgiveness that continues on, and you will not finish up the forgiving until your last breath.

So make peace with others and with yourself. Forgive others for anything you have judged about them. Forgive yourself for all the things you have done when you did not do the best that you could.

If you find yourself having a difficult time forgiving and getting back into the loving in any of your relationships, you might try these keys:

Pray to be as loving as you can be.

If you sincerely ask God to assist you in seeing the love in each situation, you may find that your perceptions and approaches gradually change and that you are living in love more of the time. Ultimately, isn’t that what you really want to do?

Forgive yourself and others for any unloving actions.

You may spend many days saying, “I forgive myself, I forgive them, I forgive this judgment, I forgive…gosh, am I going to be able to eat today, or will I spend all day forgiving?” Forgiving yourself is better than food because you can miss a meal and it won’t hurt you, but if you miss the forgiveness, what you judged yourself for may be lodged against you.

But what if you do not know what to forgive yourself for? If you judge that, forgive yourself for not knowing what to forgive yourself for. Forgiveness is one of the main doorways into grace and loving.

Clear any imbalances you have with others, so you can share your spiritual heart.

If you cannot share your spiritual heart because someone owes you $100, forget the debt. It is not worth it. If you cannot share your spiritual heart because of something someone said, apologize to yourself in their name. If you cannot love somebody, it is best just to say, “I don’t know who they are.” That is a clear statement because if you do not love someone, you really do not know who they are.

You cannot allow anything to stand in the way of your loving. You cannot allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought. You cannot allow that which is less than God and Spirit to be a force in your life. Do not turn and strike at someone else. Be loving to yourself and to others, as it’s all really the same thing.


Good relationships must have good communication, and the three Cs of effective communication are clear, clean, and concise. When you communicate with anyone, create a safe place inside of you and speak from that place. Then it will not matter to whom you are speaking. Don’t do it out of any form of negativity, as that will follow the other person in some level of their consciousness. Always speak kind words, speak from loving, and say what is true for you.

When you love someone, give them the best of yourself.

Give your loved ones your best attitude, your best smile, and your best hug. Just as you take care of physical items so they will last, you must also take care of your loving so it will last.

If you are married, have you ever been lying in bed with your spouse and thought to massage their feet a little? Or are you so tired that you “have” to get some sleep so you can get up for work in the morning? Wait a minute. It only takes two or three minutes for you to massage their feet, tell them you love them and demonstrate that love so they drop off to sleep feeling cherished and nurtured.

As you give, you receive, and you may find weeks and weeks of loving coming to you from that one tender moment. I am sure there are many times that you would like to have someone run their fingers through your hair and massage your head a little and then say, “Good night, my beloved.” If you care enough to take the time to give those moments to others, they will come back to you. It is love in action. It is the Spirit moving through you and the one you love.

When you love, do it unconditionally and with 100 percent of your being.

You give and receive through the same channel. If you give through a tiny opening, the love will come back to you just as closed up. But if you are loving openly and without fear, not caring whether someone else loves you in return, you have 100 percent of the love. If the other person never gives anything, there is still 100 percent. This way, you are never cheated or left out because all the loving is always there.

Do not try to possess anyone with love. Do not demand, “Do it my way,” but say instead, “Let’s do it the way that is best and for the highest good of all.” When you tune into that, you will get away from the upsets and the distresses.

Magic Words

When you are a positive power, your light will go out to people. You’ll bless every person you walk by during the day when that light is flowing through you. When you walk by someone and either out loud or silently say, “God bless you,” the power of the mind will send positive energy out to that person.

I have told young people whose parents fight a lot, “When your parents are fighting, just sit or stand nearby and say over and over in your mind, ‘God bless you.’” Some of the children have done this and reported back that although their parents were fighting and really upset with each other, pretty soon they just went quiet and walked away. And later they started kidding around a little bit and everything was all right again.

There are other magic words that create positive feelings. Silently saying “God bless you” can certainly change people, but if you really want to watch them change in a hurry, silently say, “I love you.” They can become absolutely elated. The negativity goes and the positive energy sweeps in. Love is a cohesive power that brings everything together. Love has the potential to change it all into positive action and a flow of Spirit. These magic words can cause miracles to happen.

Watch a Short Video with John-Roger about Forgiveness and Grace

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