On Monday 25th May 2026 my sister and I became orphans when my mum, Stephani Neville, passed into Spirit. Dad passed on 30th May 2019. In the 7 years between their transitions, I started Discourses and learnt so much more about completions and loving. In both cases, I saw the body on the bed that no longer held the Light, the Spirit of my beloved parents, however, with mum I was with her as she took her last breath.
If you attended the celebration of life service, you will have heard about Mum’s life, Stephani (with an ‘i’) Neville, so I will focus here on my witnessing her departure and finding my Light without parents in the physical.
Stephani Neville
The transition was clear. By the time I got to the hospital Mum had had a large seizure and the doctor had confirmed to my sister, Joanne, that she would not regain consciousness. So, we sat with her, sang to her, recited her favourite poems and chanted. We managed to locate the tea trolley and ate copious chocolate from the vending machine. In a private room, more like a large cupboard, we held mum’s hand and said everything we needed to say to be complete. The energy in that room was quite remarkable, like we were all held in the Light of angels surrounding and protecting us, taking mum back home.
So, how do I do orphan? Well, first I dealt with the 10% of clearing her room in the care home, sorting finances, communicating to folks etc. etc. After the service Joanne and I collapsed a bit into the reality of the space she left. She left a big space, and she’d always been there for us, in so many ways.
JoAnne and Caroline
My basic self felt abandoned and bereft. Anyone who knows me well, is aware of a ‘mother’ in me who loves to take care of everyone. Joanne suggested that my inner mother could really help my inner child and that really turned things around. Rather than the gap mum had left, I saw a space for me to grow up and into. I realised that mum had massive abandonment issues after being sent to boarding school age 5, due to the Second World War. So, was I feeling abandoned by mum or was this hers that I was experiencing? A bit of both, I think.
This thought led me to consider choosing what I wanted to have from her, and what I wanted to release. We had cleared and sorted most of her physical things, but this was more about energy, skills and talents. I decided that her abandonment issues, capacity for confrontation, anxiety and low moods were all hers. However, she was amazing at planning, dressed up every morning with full make-up and matching jewelry, always complemented people if they looked good or did something kind, was very loving and incredibly creative. I will take all of that! This focus gave me clarity and increased energy, celebrating mum every day in many ways.
Symbolically, I made the choice to pull up my big girl knickers, mother my basic self, ask for support and cuddles when I need them, dress better, wear make-up more often and be as creative and loving as I can. This is very much work in progress. I am definitely becoming a ‘smarter dressed’ dog-walker.
In the month before mum passed, we managed to have mum up to stay with help from my nephew bringing her half-way (as my husband, Jim, was recovering from spinal surgery and we have a new rescue dog, Mika). It was a lovely few days. I am so grateful that I spent that time with her as well as a visit on the Saturday before she passed.
As my mum has gone up, up and away I am growing upwards into the space she had vacated. I celebrate all that she taught me directly and indirectly. I thank myself for listening inwardly to guidance to go the extra miles, literally, to see her more frequently in the last years and especially in the last weeks. God bless my mum; God bless all our mums and God bless the mums inside of us.
Baruch Bashan.
