If you use anger to get what you want, that often means you’re not looking at your life in a way where you can gain the greatest value from being in it and doing many things.
Sometimes a person’s anger seems to be a method of self-protection against other people who are just generally in society. If this is so for you, this could happen: Somebody goes to threaten you, and you have two responses. One is that you get a little fearful. Then the next one is that you come forward with this terrific anger, which can black out and destroy.
You can’t give yourself the luxury of allowing yourself to have anger running through your consciousness. The price you pay will be the respect of those you love and who you want to love you. When you get angry, your spouse or partner can feel the ramifications of that through you, even though you did not aim it at them, and then they have to put up with their own stuff plus the stuff from you.
Let’s say that one part of your personality is very diplomatic. Your diplomacy could look like you’re lying because you may not want to say anything that would hurt the other person’s feelings. But when others catch on to what you’ve done, they may let you know they don’t like you. That’s when you may turn the anger against yourself and say, “Why didn’t I just tell them the truth and forget about their hurt feelings?” Now you have to eat your own anger, and that can make you very sick. It can cause troubles all through your stomach, and it can give you headaches down your neck and up into your head.
There may be another part of your personality that is more abrupt, and if somebody asks you a question, you may just blurt out the answer without thinking about it. Then the other person may accuse you of being rude, and that can make you angry. That anger can turn and strike out at other people, perhaps not severely, but enough. Those actions can destroy your compatibility and companionship with your close friends and others around you.
Now, apparently we have an unsolvable problem. In one mood, you may be diplomatic, but your diplomacy looks like you’re lying; in the other mood, you may be abrupt. In the first mood, your intent is not to hurt, but the anger can come on the attempt not to hurt, and the other person gets the blast of the anger and they’re hurt anyway. In your second mood, you may turn around with abruptness and say something to someone where you would think, “Why would anyone say that to another person?” Then you may be accused of being ill-mannered, and you’re left with hurt feelings. Then the anger turns on you, and you turn the anger either on yourself or onto that other person. Either way, that anger is not being utilized in a positive direction.
What is the positive direction? Anger is to be used in self-defense. If someone, indeed, comes and physically threatens you or those people with you (let’s call them your family), that’s when you will have strength to persevere and win in a physical battle.
But the anger wants to black out and destroy, to completely get rid of them forever: “They’ll never do it again, I guarantee it.” That puts fear inside of you that you have put into other people by way of anger and heavy emotion. That usually is a set-up for people to plan against you negatively. They will plan some way to get even, to get back, and to try to do it in such a way where you won’t know who is doing it. Then you have to take your punishment because you don’t know who to turn to in order to make something equitable or equal.
There are two or three things you can do when you meet somebody you feel may be unfriendly. One is to cast your glance down or look to the side, never looking higher than the other person’s shoulders. For example, if I make eye contact with you and I’m not careful, I may get you to fire back at me, and you may say, “J-R, what the hell are you looking at?” We don’t want that.
Another thing you can do is smile with your eyes when you look at somebody. There’s a way where you can smile with your eyes and another way where you let the light drain out of the eyes. If you keep that eye-smile (we call it “keeping the apples up”), that puts little wrinkles on the side of the eyes. Those are called charm lines — how you charm somebody, how you’re a charming person.
It works really well on women; men may take offense to it, so when you speak to them, you drop the tone of your voice. You glance down a little bit, keep the light in your eyes, and soften the tone in your voice, and you’ve got them where you want them. All you have to learn is how to turn it on and dim it. I’ve learned how to do it, and my suggestion is, if you’re going to do this, practice with somebody first until they can see it happening on you because you may not know that’s what you’re doing — not too many people have been taught how to practice lifting the light vibration in the eyes.
If you want something, just lift the light vibration. And as you talk to people, they’ll start to give you everything you want. But you can’t use it unjustly. You’ve got to give it back to them, also.
Anyone can take this information and get it with a little bit of practice — a day or two, a couple of hours, maybe even five minutes if you just sit down to do it and you pay attention. I saw how I did it one day by looking in the mirror, and it really scared me. I said, “Whoa! I don’t want that. That’s pretty spooky.” It’s difficult for me to dim the light because I’m in it all the time, but I’ve learned how to do it.
I can’t take the anger away, but I can show you how to direct it. And you really don’t want to take it away. I have a trigger trait of temper myself, and I think we were some place in Romania or East Germany on a train trip, when a guy tried to get on the train to find his wife. We told him his wife wasn’t on the train, and he pushed his way onto the train and got kind of nasty about it. Some of our people tried to tell him not to do that and tried to hold him back, and I just picked him up and threw him right off the train, because the temper trait gives you superb power. I would stick up for the people in our group. And most of the people who travel with us know that I will do that, so they feel very secure that I will possibly die a lot sooner than them…That was a joke, folks.
Baruch Bashan.