"Be courageous enough to be the first one to step forward with your loving. If you try to convince the other person that your way is better, you may lose the opportunity to be loving."- John-Roger
This article by John-Roger was first published in Rod and Staff, Spring 1985.
It takes a tremendous reserve of love to live on this planet. Even though we’ve been led to believe that intellectual prowess, physical beauty, or cleverness will do the trick, it’s loving that will provide the most fulfillment and contentment and that will have the most lasting effect — on you and on others.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if loving were taught in the schools right alongside history, geography, and math and if all the public media would give loving the value it deserves?
Most of us are unaccustomed to reacting in loving because we’ve been taught to try to control others and our environment. We’ve forgotten that the natural way is to be loving and caring. When we have a disagreement with someone, we think we have to change them to our way of thinking. If we can get the other person to agree, we feel comfortable, and if we feel comfortable, we think that is a loving feeling.
However, loving can mean disagreeing with someone and, at the same time, allowing them the space to express their point of view. We seem to put a great deal of energy into expressing our point of view and trying to convince the other person that ours is the right way.
There’s really no right or wrong way; your way is the way that’s going to work the best for you. Have you ever noticed that people who want to convince you of something will keep repeating the same information to you? What they’ve actually done is convince themselves that you don’t understand, whereas you may already be satisfied and have enough information to act.
People around me sometimes go to great lengths to tell me how to do something. They have a specific way that works for them and they try to convince me to do it their way. I listen very carefully and discern the information I need from them, and then I go ahead and do it the way I know will work for me. I appreciate the information, and I may try their way, but eventually I will do it the way that works best for me.
Many years ago I had a job that was several miles from where I lived, and I had quite a bit of traffic to contend with. Every day I tried a new way to beat the traffic. I experimented with many side streets, and through the process of trial and error I finally found the best way to go to work. Granted, along the way, I ran into dead ends, or more congested streets, but I kept at it until I found the way that worked the best for me. Once I found it, it worked for me for a long time. It was worth the effort to find the best way.
Life is also like that. There are a lot of dead ends and ways that don’t work. There may even be times when it looks as if someone is standing in your way. Let them be your guide and help you get out of your dilemma and find a better way.
Situations and experiences that are given to people will allow them to grow, and things that are taken away from people will also allow them to grow. Loving will neutralize the emotions at either end of the scale.
Do lovingly and willingly whatever is demanded of you. Once you put yourself in a position of clearing, balancing, and handling your responsibilities, these things can dissolve right in front of you. Someone you may have dreaded apologizing to may say, “Forget it; it’s okay,” and it’s over. But if you think, “Okay, I’ll do it, but I’m not going to do that,” then that’s what you’ll have to do. Get it over with. Get the fear off your back. Get yourself free of that.
I don’t know any situation that will not turn out better if there is loving. Where there is loving, there is cooperation, creativity, spontaneity, joy, and a sense of fulfillment. We all have an intuitive sense of when we’re in our loving and when we’re not. Use your good senses to get you back to the loving. Do whatever it takes. Make it a priority in your life.
My job for so many years has been to show you the way back to your loving. Now I see so many of you providing examples to your children, your co-workers, and your friends. There’s nothing quite so beautiful in the consciousness of love than giving and taking of your love: you give it, it returns to you, and you take it. You don’t say, “Oh, no, not me. I’m not worthy.” You are worthy, or it couldn’t come your way.
You can’t lose love. As you give it, it comes back. Give of the heart, but do not give of possessive emotions. This is what causes the hurt.
Challenge your capacity to love. Love, when not used, will grow as stagnant as the brackish water of the Dead Sea. Be courageous enough to be the first one to step forward with your loving. If you try to convince the other person that your way is better, you may lose the opportunity to be loving. Keep in mind that we are in training to be lovers — in the highest degree — and look for ways to let your loving heart shine.
When you give, give in love. Take care of yourself first. Make sure that you’re in good health, your bills are paid, your environment is comfortable, and you have the things you need. Be patient and loving with yourself. Through loving yourself, you can learn to love others. Through being patient with yourself, you can learn to be patient with others.
There is an easy way out of the cycle of reincarnation, and that is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your Soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself. For as you give, you shall receive. Each day provides a practice ground for strengthening and expanding your capacity to love.
Your divine heritage is to experience your life as loving. Not anyone else’s loving — your own. Love is not a lofty ideal to strive for; it’s as natural as breathing in and breathing out. It’s unconditional in its simplicity.
WATCH A MOMENT OF PEACE WITH JOHN-ROGER ON LOVING