New Day Herald

The Relationship Is In You

This article by John-Roger was first published in The Movement Newspaper, July 1984. People have a tremendous ability to hold back their loving energy because they fear rejection. When you withhold your loving from another human being you actually sin against yourself. You’ve probably had the experience of wanting to meet someone or talk with them, but because you were afraid to let them know you were interested in knowing them in a more intimate way, you just sat back and didn’t pursue the friendship. The funny part about it is that the other person was probably feeling the same way about you.

People truly become your intimate friends when you accept them inside of yourself and see them with love inside of you. However, in this world we’ve been conditioned to see other people as being outside of ourselves. What they do “out there,” outside of us often determines how we respond to them. In reality the relationship you have with another person is going on inside of you all the time, whether or not that person is present. What the other person does or doesn’t do, need not change that relationship for you. Remembering that other person’s face may bring about pleasant feelings for you. When you’re with them, you may be affectionate and feel good. But where is that good feeling taking place? It’s inside of you and you really don’t know how that other person feels unless they tell you.

They may say, “I feel good being with you.” But even then, their feeling good may not be the same as your feeling good. Our experiences are subjective and take place within us.

When you tell someone, “I love you,” that in reality is a statement of error. What is going on when you see that other person, is that the loving place inside of you becomes more awakened and dynamic. You are having the greatest relationship with that person inside of you and you want them around to keep reminding you of that loving place, lest you forget.

Unfortunately, many times people identify loving with a bodily experience.

On this planet we have been taught to identify ourselves through our bodies. We often respond to our environment based upon how we feel physically or emotionally. At one time or another you probably felt heartsick because you were in love. Your stomach was queasy and you lost your appetite. When you felt rejected by someone you probably had all kinds of bodily experiences to go along with that.

Making decisions based upon how we feel in our bodies or emotions is like managing ourselves from the bottom up, and that can create chaos inside ourselves. For example, if you want to lose weight and attempt to do that through your diet, without changing your attitude about yourself, you won’t succeed. Your failure with dieting will add emotional upset and depression to your dislike of being overweight. You can tune into the source of your energy that comes through your mind, emotions and body to bring more positive direction into your life.

How you feel about things determines much of what you do with your body and many times how you feel is influenced by what you think. If you’re depressed you may not feel like cleaning the house or mowing the lawn and may decide not to do that. The feeling of depression is simply a lack of energy and vitality to move our bodies to constructive actions. Underneath that feeling is the negative thinking saying, “If I commit myself to moving my body, I’ll need to maintain that and I don’t have the physical strength.” But there’s more than the thoughts and feelings.

Your soul radiates its energy down from the higher levels of Spirit to your mind. The soul is part of the essence of God, and it keeps track of all your experiences as well as supplying your mind, emotions and body with energy.

When you get angry and verbally explode at another person, your thyroid gland and adrenal glands dump hormones into your bloodstream, which in large doses can make you ill. The human body has adapted to poisoning itself in this way. Although the body may maintain its health for awhile, it may eventually succumb to cancer, tuberculosis, arthritis or some other illness. Diseases, for the most part, are caused by mismanaging the energies within our own bodies. If you fly into a rage at another person, you’ll probably cause them disturbance, but what you do to yourself is far more disastrous.

The greatest social disturbances we have on this planet do not originate from people being together; they originate from within each individual. The person who understands you the most, who cares for you the most, who can do the most for you about anything you want done – is you. The ultimate relationship is with yourself. It’s important to keep that relationship harmonious inside of yourself. To do that, you need to be in a continual state of self-education. You need to tune into the source of who you really are.

You have probably had the experience of observing yourself act out of your emotions and even stop or redirect them in order not to be run by them. Who do you think is watching you do all of that? What is it inside of you that you know is valuable, even when somebody rejects you or says negative things about you? Have you ever felt so upset about something that it hurt in the pit of your stomach, and you prayed that things would get better? Did you notice that things never really got better until you went into that place inside that gives you the energy to get up in the morning? That place is your soul.

The energy of the soul is a sense of well-being, contentment and peace. It’s not inactivity, but directed action and aliveness. You are experiencing the energy of your soul when you are in a place within yourself that is good-natured and free from irritation. You maintain this balance within you by being in a constant state of awareness, because the mind is attracted to the physical world. It will direct the emotions and the body into fulfilling itself through material things, while the soul will back away from worldly attachments. It knows it is accountable for everything it does here. Your soul, your true self, is responsible for what you create.

You are in this world to learn to use the energy of creation wisely in order to bring about completion. An important key to remember is that the energy of Spirit follows what you hold in your mind. Wherever you direct this spiritual energy in the material world, things are manifested. There’s an old saying: “What you fear comes upon you.” It means you become a magnet for what you fear and create for yourself the very thing you’re afraid of. Is there a real source of fear? No. Is there real fear? Yes. Where is it? Inside of you as the creator of it. You give birth to your own fear. Underneath the energy of fear is the energy of pure Spirit allowing you to create whatever you want. This is the unconditional loving of Spirit, allowing you to do whatever you will with your body, emotions and mind.

There’s a great commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” That means completely. The other part of that commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself.” It says that first you must love yourself. That isn’t being selfish; I call it “selfing.” When you truly start loving yourself, you have the energy of God flowing through you. Then you can reach out to your neighbor and touch him and he’ll transform right in front of you.

You are creators and you harvest what you create. If you create loving during your stay in this world, at the end of your life you stand on that pillar of loving and go straight into the heart of God.

You were given this life to experience abundance and joy, and if you’re not experiencing that, look at what you’re doing in your life to block yourself. Then use that block as a stepping stone. Don’t get rid of it. Use everything as an opportunity to improve yourself. Use nothing to despair, because if you do, you reap more despair. And if you change your despair into an opportunity to grow, you’re free from it.

– John-Roger, D.S.S.

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