This article by John-Roger was first published in The Movement Newspaper.
How about giving a little loving, caring, forgiveness, flexibility to yourself? – John-Roger
In Insight Training Seminars we talk about taking care of yourself so you can help take care of others, not hurting yourself and not hurting others, using every situation to your advantage. Whose job is it to take care of yourself? Some of you may have heard me speak of the “Basic Self” or the child within. Let’s suppose we all have a little child within us whose job it is to take care of the physical body – to make sure we eat and sleep, to keep the blood circulating, to guide us in doing those things that will keep us healthy and happy. I call that the “Basic Self”.
The primary action of the Basic Self seems to be contrary action. So as you go along in your life, living it, relating with people, making choices, deciding all these things that you know about yourself, here comes the Basic Self and through emotion, then judgment, it does some type of contrary action. You step out on your wife or husband. You gain weight. You tell yourself you are going to do something and then don’t do it.
What happens when you make an agreement with yourself and then break it? What happens when you do something that is contrary to the way you would like to think about yourself? The Basic Self supplies you with the emotions to beat yourself up with and also does the beating. Sometimes this is through feeling unworthy. Sometimes this is through not taking care of yourself, not getting the rest you need, not taking time for yourself (whether that be for physical exercise, meditation or just taking time to be with yourself).
Have you ever known someone who you thought was brilliant? So intelligent that they could do anything in this life they wanted to do? And yet they didn’t see it. Through emotion and judgment the Basic Self starts sabotaging the person. They fall down in their job. Their concept of themselves drops to the point that they don’t like themselves at all. And the Basic Self starts producing contrary action to support the feelings of self-hate or lack. At least then, the person can be “right” about something. “See, I am no good!”
Have you ever started the pattern of judging yourself and making yourself wrong? If you allow that to run for awhile, pretty soon it starts feeling familiar. And then the familiar starts feeling normal. And isn’t the familiar and the normal what feels safe? So you stay feeling unworthy and in the place of lack because that’s now the normal and comfortable place to be. If I’m unworthy, no one will expect much of me. If I’m at the bottom, I can’t fall any further. If people see that I don’t like myself and don’t take good care of myself, they won’t beat me up. No, there’s no need to. You’re doing such a thorough job of it yourself!
When you get into this kind of cycle, how do you get out? Self-forgiveness. Self-love. Remember the three ground rules we work with in all of the work we do:
1) Take care of yourself so you can help take care of others,
2) Don’t hurt yourself and don’t hurt others and
3) Use everything to your advantage.
The Basic Self is also that little child that likes to play, to laugh, to have fun. Just as a little child needs love, the child within needs love. Just as a little child needs to be disciplined, the child within needs to be disciplined. Just as a little child needs to be forgiven, the child within needs to be forgiven.
Take care of that little child within. What kind of care do you give a little baby? Are you loving with it? Do you give it what it needs? Do you listen to it and respond when it lets you know it wants something? Are you flexible with it or do you have a certain set way that it can only behave? You’re flexible, of course. Do you run “shoulds” on a baby? Or “shouldn’ts”? No you just love it and support it and nourish it and take care of it and play with it and have fun with it and do all of those things that work to lift it and serve the baby’s highest good. Well, what about the child within you? How about giving a little loving, caring, forgiveness, flexibility to yourself? Just like the baby, you deserve it just because you’re you.
Loving is the best answer I know…loving.
In Light and Love,
WATCH A MOMENT OF PEACE VIDEO BY JOHN-ROGER “YOU WERE BORN THE LORD”