John-Roger, circa 1980.
"Sometimes in our desire to get what we want, we get selfish and enter into our ego. In that process we sometimes lose track of the loving heart and what we really want." - John-RogerThis article by John-Roger was first published in the Insight Newsletter in June of 1980.
I’ve been reflecting lately about people and their points of view. How much time do you figure you spend thinking about your point of view about something? All the time assuming you are right and the other person is wrong? You know the definition of assume, don’t you? Assume makes an ass out of you and me.
Yet how many times in your life do you push for what you want, all the while trying to manipulate others to do what you want them to do, to see things “your” way, the “right” way?
Belief systems are funny. We often set up belief systems to protect ourselves, to protect our “rightness” so we can feel good about ourselves, or justify our position. In the case of trying to control or manipulate someone to get what we want, we set up a belief system that says in essence, “What I want is right and because you have a different point of view, you are wrong. So I have to show you that my way is right.” So we push and shove and control and manipulate others to “see our point of view,” to “see our rightness.” And what do we meet? Resistance. Stubbornness. Resentment. Anger.
Then what do we do? We resist. We get stubborn. We get angry and resent the other person for not “seeing that we are right.” We feel hurt and pain and separation and we don’t understand why this other person is creating all of this when we are “just trying to help them learn, just trying to help them see things the ‘right’ way.”
Did you ever stop to think that when you try to manipulate someone else and change their point of view to agree with you, you are making them wrong? You are prejudging them and saying “What you think and who you are is wrong and bad. I’m right. You should think like I do.”
It can really be interesting to watch when people move into areas of prejudging. There is really no necessity to argue with them or to convince them of another point of view, nor is there any reason to defend your point of view. Just hold steady to what you know is right for you and love and respect the other person enough to let them express their point of view.
Sometimes in our desire to get what we want, we get selfish and enter into our ego. In that process we sometimes lose track of the loving heart and what we really want.
What do you really want? What do we all really want? To love and be loved. To share in that loving. To lift ourselves and lift others. How can we get that? Certainly not by making others wrong. Certainly not by placing out control and manipulation.
But you say, “How can I get what I want if I don’t assert myself?” There’s a difference between standing up inside of yourself, loving and supporting yourself and stepping on someone else in the process.
Have you ever heard me say, “Take care of yourself so you can help take care of others?” Support yourself and support others. Live from your heart. Love from your heart. Be that loving. Love yourself and share that loving with others. You can be honest with yourself and true to yourself without making anyone else wrong. You don’t have to justify or prove anything. You can just accept what is true for you in the moment and allow everyone else that same right. If you communicate with others from your loving heart, then you can all be “right,” and in this rightness, all points of view are valid. All points of view can be used to lift. Then you get what you really wanted all along — the loving, the support and the caring.
Baruch Bashan
