I don’t consider myself an expert in the area of parenting. I consider myself someone more or less “wallowing” in it in my own way, but it is a really wonderful wallow. I think it is the greatest thing going on in my life. It is full of all that is here for me in this world, so I continually honor and salute all those who are in any way involved in parenting.
There is a way that children are to be raised that God has already established as an order. So one thing that keeps me somewhat sane in the process is to realize I’m not the one raising my children. That is something that God does, and I get to be a witness. And every once in a while, I put myself in a position so that I can partake in what God is doing with my children in such ways that I am humbled and inspired by it, knowing that there is nothing happening on this planet that has a higher order than the way children are being raised.
And we are all children and are all being raised by our Father and by our Mother. This is something that this whole planet is about: a big family. It is a big home, and we are all learning and growing here.
One of the things that I have learned how to do in the process of discovering how parenting works is to take myself off any idea that I’m in a superior position. One of the mistakes I’ve found with myself and other parents is that we somehow consider, “I’m supposed to know here. I’m the one who knows. I’m the authority here. I’m the one in charge. I’m the one in control because I said so.” I think we are in a position to temper that whole thing so that we are aware of a divinely guiding conscience and consciousness such that we are placed in a position to lead and to conduct the direction and the order of the family. It is our turn in a way. And as it is our turn, then it is a great responsibility to do it in a consciousness that respects who the people in the family are rather than imposes my standards, my conditioning, my wants as though, “Well, because I have the position of leadership here, we are going to do it my way.” That’s not really the correct way to lead in the family.
The correct way is, “What’s going to serve us here?” That has a relative order to it that goes according to who has greatest need. The whole family is called upon to line up where that greatest need is. When there is the youngest in the family, that one tends to carry, though not always, the greatest need. So you really have to ask, “Is the greatest need here now with this one?” And you also need to encourage the others, even the youngest of those in the family, to share the responsibility to serve the greatest need.
One of the ways you can do that is by taking opportunities to include your children in the issues of the family, even those that you may think are not the children’s issue. For example, what’s going on financially, what’s going on between mom and dad, or some of the decisions that are coming up. Don’t forget that inside each child is a Soul, and that Soul has come here to experience, to learn, and to learn from your life experience. One of the reasons you do come in and take leadership is that you have a wealth of life experience that just going through the years provides to you, so that you can say, “Well, when I was at your stage,” and you have the ability to impart to them the things you know from direct experience.
The other thing of great importance is to be there for them, that you stand in as one who will provide for them to the degree that you would give whatever you have to them, that that is part of their inheritance, that what you have to give them you will one day at least attempt to give fully. And communicate to them in a great way that you love them fully, you adore them fully. You can’t do that only in words; that is the least way to do that, but it is still an important way. You need to find ways and words to let them know that you unconditionally love them and care for them even when you forget how to do that. So you remind them: “When I forgot in this way or in that way, my unconditional love for you is really what it is about.” Make sure that this is the reference point they have when you give up this day, that you can rest well, knowing your children know you love them. So if you ever attempt to let go of this day and you consider, “I don’t know if they really know I love them,” I would take a look at getting that to them somehow, some way, and if nothing else, ask God to be the messenger.
Baruch Bashan.
Editor’s note: This article is from a sharing that John did at an Internet seminar. To find a schedule of the monthly Internet seminars with John Morton and how to tune go to the MSIA website: www.msia.org/live.
